saturday

1:37 am. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep, I'm at work and sipping on my fourth beer.
The Rev and I took a day trip up to Eagle Lake today. It was nice, full of mental orgasms due to the awe that geological findings can create. I spent the drive up there thinking about plate tectonics as a biological phenomena, a theory I must learn more about. The shore of the lake was covered in lava rocks which were awesome. It was obvious that the whole, or at least much of the area, had once been covered in water but the water had receded enough for us to have the privilege of examinig these awesome rocks that once been molten or lava. It was so nice to get in touch with that side of myself that loves science and the earth so much. I wish I had more time to educate myself on physical science, math, and astronomy like I used to do the summer before seventh grade. Now it is all work, going to shows, drinking, or just resting from all of the above.On the way back to Chico the Rev asked me if I feel oppressed everyday. On a scale from one to ten, I replied, I feel about a seven. I feel it because I am a woman, because I feel the oppression of others, because I am an oppressor because I am white. And because I am an oppressor I feel robbed of my humanity, Because I am an oppressor I am oppressed and thus must liberate myself, and in so doing, hopefully liberate the people I oppress. This matter plays a huge rile in the fact that I am never content with anything. I am insatiable, discontent, and ill at ease with everything, with every moment of my waking life. It's one of the reasons why I drink so much, why I want to have my farm, its why I write, and how I can love so much but walk away and let go of those I love, its why I am alone and okay with it. I want truth and I want simplicity, two things that do not go hand in hand.
When we got back to town I went immediately to Fulcrum to see a band called Red Robot play their last gig in Chico. They're awesome, one of Nor Cals finest. I left the show alone which doesnt happen that often anymore, but not something that I necessarily miss all that much, but I still value it when it does happen. I went home and had a beer then tried to sleep but it wouldn't come. Its my last night of freedom before the work week and I feel every second of it passing. Only about five months to go before I am done.
Its now 2:30, I've left the blog and came back again, and I need to try and sleep again.
LylaTov. Goodnight.