i think this was the longest i have gone without updating.
there has been a dramatic event in my life lately and it has made feel a lot closer to myself and its made me look at how I am living.
Ive realized how sick i am of the way that i have been living for a long time. im sick of the constant drinking. i feel stalled, like i've put a lot of myself on hold to attempt to relish being young and dumb something i felt i needed to do having not had time to feel like i can go out and get stupidly drunk with friends, or stay out as long as i want while i had my little sister living with me for so long. its been great and ive had a great time but now its time to change things.
i get this way every six months or so. i start feeling like there is a part of me that needs to die and I become overwhelmed with this need to change. it causes a lot of anxiety attacks and a lot of distance between myself and all the people in my life.
i need to move out of my house so i can be a in an environment that is my own and that i feel is nourishing, supportive, and CALM. I need to come up with a plan so i can make it through the next seven months. But who knows i might go home this evening and decide that i like living there again. I change my mind way too often and too quickly.