sysiphus 1

I woke up at 5:00 this morning and the sun was beginning to shine through the bedroom window. My first thought: That I should be waking up right now, putting on a pot of nice thick muddy coffee then heading out to my fields to tend my crops. Or milking my cow for the next batch of cheese. That my life should be revolving around sustainable living, food, maintaining the health of hte land that I merely inhabit.
My heart sank when I realized it was Monday, that I had to go to work in four hours. And I sank even though I knew/felt that I believed in my work place, that I believed in working in communities with people for justice, revolution, support and community.
It worries me, these times when escape and simple living call me loudly. They worry me because of just how deeply I feel it. When I imagine my ideal life I can feel the sweat that covers my body from hard work, the breeze that cools the sweat, or makes it stronger. I can feel myself full of thanks for the land that yeilds food so that i can eat one more dinner, or lunch, or breakfast. I feel bliss when I imagine myself selling my own crops from some small little stand on the side of the road.
Is this escapism? Yes and No. Yes because I know that I am exactly where I am suppossed to be right now. I know that I have so much to do in the world before I can reach this place of simplicity.
No because one of the reason I feel the need to be an activist is so that all people can have the privilege to choose to live this simply. Or to be able to live simply, day to day living, and not be thought of as uncivilized, illiterate, beneath the rich, so that we can not be stolen from by America and all other corporate bastards, from wars, from the greedy, etc.
Give us all sustainable living or give me death.